Conflicts naturally arise when you spend time with people. Apart from your family, your coworkers likely see you more than anyone. Arguments or disagreements at the office are commonplace and often unavoidable. How you handle them says a lot about your professional maturity, respect for your place of employment and can set you apart as a problem solver. 

So when you start to get frustrated, angry or upset with a coworker, what can you do to effectively resolve the situation? Here are five steps you can use to get through the moment and find resolution on the other side. 

Remove yourself and your emotions, if possible. 

Have you ever started to feel warm when a conversation took a turn you weren’t expecting? As our emotions rise, our logical thinking can start to go out the window. Led by emotions, you might say something you regret or make a statement that escalates the conversation further. If the situation allows, politely excuse yourself and take a few moments to relax and think through how you’d like to respond. By stepping away, you may avoid letting your coworker know that you had an emotional response all together. But don’t let things end by stepping away, move on to our next tip…

Think through what went wrong.

Identify the start of your workplace conflict. What may feel like a clash of personalities is often rooted in a work-related problem that can be fixed. Recognizing the crux of the issue is the first step toward resolving it. For example, if you and a coworker disagreed with the best way to schedule your team of employees, and in the process they made a negative comment about your work style, the root of the issue is not their comment. Though that should be addressed, the root cause is your disagreement about the process of scheduling your team. Time to put on your thinking hat and…

Note what you would like to go differently in the future.

In conflict, it’s important to concede what you did wrong, and what your opponent did right, in order to come to a resolution. When you think about your workplace conflict, consider how things could have gone better if you both took a different approach. By coming to a solution that requires mutual concessions, you’re more likely to find a middle ground that works for both parties and may be better for your place of employment. Avoid the “I did everything right” mentality – in almost every situation, we could have approached things better, with a different tone or with a fresh perspective. Once you’ve thought through alternative solutions…

Address conflict and find common ground.

For most people, this is the hardest part. Without allowing too much time to pass, ask your coworker to meet and discuss what happened. Enter the conversation with your emotions level and your ideas for a new solution in mind. Don’t cast blame or focus on things that cannot change – like personality or cultural differences that may have played into the conflict. Instead, emphasize that you don’t want to have animosity at work and that you want to come to a solution that helps everyone. You’re now ready to have a productive conversation about the root of your conflict, one that could lead to ultimate resolution. But you’re not done there…

Create a plan to prevent future conflict.

What did you learn from this conflict? Every argument, disagreement or point of contention is a learning opportunity. You can uncover a lot about yourself and your coworkers by assessing what happened and making a plan to avoid it in the future. From the earlier example, it could be something as simple as asking your coworker to send scheduling plans via email so you have time to think about them more thoroughly before responding. By making a plan to avoid conflict in the future, you’re taking an active role in your professional development!